# Pilgrimage with St Francis > _After reading story, see Pilgrimage Graph_ Sujith Ravindran said: ‘We’ll take a photograph before we set off for the walk - and then again at the end of the walk. You’ll see the difference.”
Twelve of us men set of under the leadership of our guide and mentor from beautiful Lake Piediluco in Umbria to walk 120 kilometers over eight days, in the spirit of St Francis, to Assisi.
It sounded like a bold claim from our guide and mentor - and indeed it was. But, as it turned out, we found it to be true. I won’t identify those in whom the change in appearance was most visible - but I can say that the change in language, demeanor and behaviour, at least to my observation, was true for all twelve of us.
Before setting off we were invited to declare our feelings and intention for the walk. Most were deep and personal - some men were facing personal challenges, other fostering big and noble dreams. My feeling was ‘anticipation’ and my intention was ‘opening’.
We were invited to abandon all electronic equipment, all connection to the world to which we were accustomed; to be fully present to person, place and process. This was good for me. I have tended to live cerebrally; albeit punctuated from time to time by a wild foray into the world of genuine living experience.
Yes, I’ve even sometimes felt as though I’ve been living in some intellectual suite of armour, gazing out into the world through the protective helmet visor - sometimes even employing my intellect as a weapon. The trouble with that experience is that the world remains object, with me as subject. And in the holistic philosophy I’ve adopted, the subject/object division is transcended in embodied experience - hence the intention of ‘opening’.
So ‘coming into the world’, fuller embodiment, sounded like an appropriate intention at the age of 75 - and I trusted that the physical strengthening of my lungs and legs from living in the Sierra Nevada mountains would see me through the anticipated exertions of the journey.
So much of what I observed in the initial stages in my fellow pilgrims reflected what I was wanting to personally work with. Could I even begin to acknowledge some arrogance? Overhearing the rich conversations I thought I detected evidence of intellectual cleverness; emphatically assured voice tones, mutual backslapping, “...yes-yes’s...”, and “...of course’s...”, to key points offered. After all, these were all recognised leaders in their field.
Yet one member of our initial team tended break away from time to time to smoke a joint. Yes, there was judgement, later to be acknowledged by some, and I felt personally disappointed, even sad. That member would find reason in an incident en route to leave the team on the third day - and that hurt and disturbed. But the decision was to keep him in the circle, in our hearts, in our processes. Sujith’s motto was: “No man is left behind.”
We soon discovered that being clever was not what the walk was about. What would gradually emerge in the course of our journey was an inner journey of self-revelation. And essential to that was telling our stories and being seen and heard. Being seen and heard invited authentic expression.
Shared decision-making became part of regular conscious practice. Decisions were not based on majority vote, not artificially consensus driven, but truth driven - at least to the best our collective capacity to apprehend in in the moment. We would take time to explore a relevant issue, to articulate our deeper feelings concerning the issue and about the process. In dialogue we would strive to see the bigger picture and identify the more generative outcome.
Some of these decisions were not easy. A practice suggested to which we agreed was paying forward for accommodation - let’s pay for the accommodation one additional needy future pilgrim - 12 + 1. However on one occasion, in a beautiful Italian village the reception by the monk at the monastery where we overnighted was a bit cold and seemingly resentful. And yes, we did arrive inconveniently late at night. One of our party took affront and introduced the historic wrongs of the church into the decision-making about ‘paying forward’. Two hours of intense process in the courtyard later we, on agreement, confronted the monk lovingly, indeed paid forward, and were in turn, blessed by him on our further pilgrimage.
So soon we experienced another quality of immediacy, with each other, with place, and with the people en route. Sujith had built lasting and loving friendships with our hosts over the years. He remembered their names. So they welcomed him, and us, joyfully. Most treated us with exquisite attendance - the home Italian cooking was excellent - they, some, declared satisfaction at being able to host pilgrims.
And so, what characterises the holistic philosophy that I’ve adopted, is the generative meaning-making and whole-making capacity of relationship. I experienced that in a new way - opening to the world, and to a deeper dimension of my own being and becoming.
And to authenticate our stories we were invited to recognise and honour our key personal relationships, to psychically unburden ourselves of deep seated and suppressed hurts and trauma. As we walked we could reflect and then process those revelations in evocative cleansing practices.
One member of our team, somewhat older than the rest, was particularly challenged. He was in poor physical shape, struggling to keep up. He was the one invited to set the pace - the slowest then set the pace. Soon others offered to take his backpack - to lighten his way - either sharing the load by carrying it on a stick between them, and in difficult parts of the mountains, one man carrying it in on his chest, with his personal backpack on the back.
Soon however, notwithstanding his condition, his courage and determination became apparent. Our awareness and frustration with his lack of strength of body was replaced with a new appreciation of his strength of character. Vulnerability now became a sign of strength, not of weakness.
I saw some of my fellow men weeping in the unburdening processes - as old hurts and wounds were surfaced and released. And I too wept with some. I also saw deep relief as permission was given to let go of emotional and psychological elements which no longer served. And so the authenticity of our life stories deepened.
And then we were invited and guided in reflecting on our practices, our standards, our life agreements, our unique gifts, and our dreams. We were guided in a process to meet a metaphoric ‘higher self’ - a potential ‘future becoming’, and to take counsel from that future. We were encouraged to articulate a life slogan. My future self was named ‘Ashrah’ - and my slogan was ‘Bringer of Light’.
And we were invited to rearticulate a personal vision - and the causes we would serve to achieve it. And so our stories now added the future to our past narrative - like the walk, the present moment became an ongoing further step in our process of becoming
And all this deep work was done in close collaboration with our fellow pilgrims - with intimate sharing and deep listening - and personal bonding - it provided a safe and sacred context for my personal opening.
A joy in masculine friendship emerged - a boyish playfulness was shared - in a drenching thunderstorm splashing happily in the puddles. After a long and tiring walk arriving in a village and having a flat-out sprint uphill, backpack and all, with a man much younger. Inhibitions were cast off and we could confidently share our deepest aspiration and dreams - unabashedly offering what to us sounded, in the moment, like poetic ‘profundities’.
Yet in that deeper sharing further clarification of our personal truths and aspirations could emerge - shared purpose could be recognised - a Holy Communion of noble intention.
Through presence with ourselves on the walk, through communion with each other in growing relationship, through truth-telling; deep-seated anguish was transmuted to radiance, and prejudice was transmuted to compassion. What I personally experienced and perceived in my fellow men was a new vitality - bright shining eyes, genuine laughter - a rediscovered delight in being - and the accessing of a deeper shared wisdom.
Tonight I awoke with the realisation that, contrary to the game we, I, play; “Who we are at essence’ is ‘truth’ - the ‘I Am’ is the way life actually works in the cosmos.”
We took that photograph as we arrived at the entrance to Assisi. For all to be included, so that ‘...no man is left behind’, a motorist was flagged down to take the picture. In his typical gesture to those who crossed our path in a helpful way, Sujith thanked him and offered to say a prayer in the church of St Francis on his behalf. Our ersatz photographer, however, observed: “But you have a beard like the Taliban.”
And then finally we were invited to walk bare-footed into Assisi. Me in short-pants, bare-footed, and with drying clothes dangling from my backpack, with the walking stick I had picked up and stripped with a pocket knife en route, feeling something particularly special - recognised and respected at another fundamental level.
I returned home reassured that underlying our individual and collective human struggle is a beautiful being waiting to be liberated - as Paul wrote to the Romans: “For we know that the whole creation groans and labours with birth pangs together until now.”
And, if the following social media communication is anything to go by, the feeling of friendship has lasted, and families have been brought into the atmosphere of respect, understanding, intimacy, and yes, into our spiritual brotherhood. ‘Fraternite’ has been re-established with ‘liberte’ and ‘egalite’.
Claudius van Wyk