In contrast to the good points made by the Agile Manifesto, the following is offered, in jest, on behalf of those who don't wear ties or khakis.
Tools should be superior to individuals as they are more reliable, and processes must be superfluid because you don't have the time to wait for les incompetents.
Working software is self-documenting (...because you're the best).
Customer "training" over "collaboration", with air-tight contracts to lock-in your strategy.
As your knowledge >> corporate knowledge, your plan includes overthrowing their nebulous "needs requirements" sheet.
Overtake corporate customer because with all the dialog (User Stories) you've been having, you know they're completely wrong-headed.
Take over world.
See original on c2.com 